We received news of a death today. It was an elderly
relative who had been struggling with a long-term illness. His passing was
quiet, he did not wake up from the semi-conscious state that he was in for the
last few months. The silence with which he departed from this world was a stark
contrast to the immense amount of anguish and grief that all who were dear to
him had been experiencing. His wife, in particular, was sapped of energy. The
constant vigil that she kept at his side in the hospital was physically,
emotionally and spiritually draining.
A Buddhist master once remarked:
"Is it not strange that we celebrate the birth of a
baby and mourn the death of an old man when the former has just stepped into
suffering in this world and the latter out of it?"
Indeed, death and life seem to be intricately and inexorably
linked in a perpetual dance. Life starts a new journey of exploration, growth
and aging, culminating in sickness and eventually death. The dead return to the
soil, nourishing the expanse of flowers and grass, and, through them, every
single living thing. The endless cycle of death and life is a phenomenon that
we powerlessly accept. The greatest kings, the strongest warriors, the hardiest
labourers, they all cannot escape the beckoning of death. It is inevitable,
unavoidable.
If ever there was a yardstick or a measure that is truly
fair, death has got to be it. The lady of Justice may be blindfolded but Death
is a step ahead. He does not even have eyes, ears or senses which can corrupt
or bias his judgement. Big, small, strong, weak, fat, thin, young, old, male,
female, white, black, He takes them all. Sadly, it is only in the presence of
Death that all equality in humanity is restored.
It is perfectly natural for us, as human beings, to feel
grief and sadness when our loved ones pass away. We have affection for the
departed, a strong attachment of the heart and mind. The pain that arises when
this attachment is forcibly torn from our hearts and minds strikes us hard and
even renders us immobile. The pain invites confusion and stirs up many forms of
negative feelings in us. Guilt, especially, is something that inflicts the
greatest amount of suffering and anguish in all of us.
"I should have treated him better."
"If only I had been there more often for her when she
was still well."
"He was a good man and deserved more than what we gave
him."
Time heals the open wounds that guilt and the pain of loss
inflict on mortal men like us. In time, the pain diminishes and for the
fortunate, it even vanishes. For others, the pain fades but lingers as a
soreness in one's heart and mind, refusing to go away.
However, just as Life gives way to Death, so too must Death
relent when the time is right. And the cherubic angel of Life surely takes her
turn on the stage as Death exits the spotlight.
