There are two conflicting forces in every person's mind. The first is the desire for stability and constancy. This arises from the feeling of security that one has when one's life is stable and turbulence is kept to a minimum. The second force is the desire to explore and find new grounds. This arises from the individual's need to seek better and more optimal conditions than status quo.
Whether it is in one's marriage or his place of residence, the two forces present themselves quite remarkably in the aspects of behaviour and thought processes.
The notorious seven-year itch, for example, is the clearest manifestation of this unrelenting struggle that takes place. A couple happily married for a number of years suddenly goes through a rough patch when the husband or the wife is caught in bed with a third-party. This can even happen to church-going and God-fearing folks who seemingly exude exemplary self-discipline and control in their daily living.
The explanation of this phenomenon is rather straight-forward. When a couple first gets married, the relationship is in a state of flux as both are trying to accommodate to the new lifestyle, to each other's needs and wants. This state of flux, ironically, creates dynamism and excitement, and is known as the honeymoon period that primarily features discovery and adjustment.
After around two to three years, the initial thrill dies down and is replaced by a more sombre assessment of the new situation where two individuals with differing likes and wants are supposed to co-exist under one roof. Without the excitement that is generated from discovery, the relationship suddenly loses a lot of its colour; it feels almost like the 3D movie that one has been watching has turned into a black-and-white film with mono-audio.
In this period, husband and wife begin to work through their differences and establish a new common ground. Each gives up part of his or her own personality in order to fit into a new shared lifestyle. A significant percentage of the married population fails to achieve this amalgamation and these couples go their separate ways during this time because of the reluctance and resistance to the personal sacrifices needed.
Should a marriage survive this stage, the couple gets a few more years of peace and harmony - also known as the quiet calm before a storm.
The human mind desires stability and constancy because of the security they bring. Adequate food, pleasing companionship, sex without much pursuit, etc. However, a few years of such monotonous serenity gives rise to the subconscious desire to seek newer (and perhaps more optimal) grounds, find new prey, source for fresh sources of excitement. This is wired into our brains because of the hidden pressure towards evolution.
Men and women begin to flirt with friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex, sizing them up for potential escapades and perhaps even as alternative/replacement spouses. They get embroiled in one-night stands and fleeting sexual encounters. They get drawn into surreptitious affairs. For some this lasts for another few years, for others this phase lasts longer. The exact duration depends on the constraints that are existent in the person's social and cultural environment.
Many marriages break up in this phase due to the tremendous stress generated by the revelation or of the affairs coming to light. Those marriages that survive this phase usually do so because the individuals do not get past the point of fantasy and play out their visualisations of escapades and affairs, or if they do and get caught, their spouses are willing to forgive them due to various reasons.
Ultimately, the insights into the behaviour of the parties in a marriage at various stages of the relationship allow us to understand more of the underlying physiological and mental forces at work.
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