Wanderlust

Every now and then, I get bitten by the wanderlust bug.

I feel the urge to drop everything that I am doing and just book a ticket for somewhere far away. It could be Tibet, Nepal, Switzerland, Europe or even Papua New Guinea.

The hum-drum of daily living gets to me very often. I get bored with the monotony of daily commute, work in the office, the same people that I meet day in and day out. The lack of variety pricks my soul like a sharp thorn on a rose. Life seems beautifully smooth-sailing on the surface but the undercurrents reek of boredom.

There is nothing like the adrenalin rush that one gets from waiting to board the plane for a new destination. The uncertainties, the unknowns, the mysteries that beckon to the traveller. There is excitement that lies in the anticipation of the new and potentially dangerous.

Sitting in the plane, gazing out into the white bolster-like clouds and clear blue skies, one gets into a mental zone not too different from meditation. Your mind expands in its virtual horizons and the attachment to one-self fades into the background, replaced with a serene calmness that cannot be easily explained.

It is similar to standing on a mountain cliff-edge and staring out into the open fields thousands of feet below one's feet. It is akin to lying down on a patch of grass at night and gazing at the thousands of glinting stars that dot the dark heavens.

One gets the feeling that he is so small, so minute compared to the greatness of the universe, of the heavens, of earth. And for that brief moment, the troubles and problems that had just a while ago seemed so large and insurmountable become trivial and simplistic.

The wanderlust bug, if it has a physical form, would be a multi-coloured insect that has a hundred wings and a pointed almost-invisible needle with which it would sting its unwary victim. The poison that it would surreptitiously inject into the person is far-reaching and penetrates deep within his psyche.

Once bitten, the person feels a compulsion to take leave of everything routine and mundane, and seek new pastures, new hunting grounds, new sights and sounds.

Be it the ancient stones of Stonehenge, the cavernous dining rooms of old castles, or even the awe-inspiring Niagara Falls, the novelty of such experiences tempts one with rejuvenating freshness.

Like the mystical siren that drew many sailors to their watery deaths, such is the danger and enigmatic lure of the wanderlust bug.

Marriage - Stability versus Exploration

There are two conflicting forces in every person's mind. The first is the desire for stability and constancy. This arises from the feeling of security that one has when one's life is stable and turbulence is kept to a minimum. The second force is the desire to explore and find new grounds. This arises from the individual's need to seek better and more optimal conditions than status quo.

Whether it is in one's marriage or his place of residence, the two forces present themselves quite remarkably in the aspects of behaviour and thought processes.

The notorious seven-year itch, for example, is the clearest manifestation of this unrelenting struggle that takes place. A couple happily married for a number of years suddenly goes through a rough patch when the husband or the wife is caught in bed with a third-party. This can even happen to church-going and God-fearing folks who seemingly exude exemplary self-discipline and control in their daily living.

The explanation of this phenomenon is rather straight-forward. When a couple first gets married, the relationship is in a state of flux as both are trying to accommodate to the new lifestyle, to each other's needs and wants. This state of flux, ironically, creates dynamism and excitement, and is known as the honeymoon period that primarily features discovery and adjustment.

After around two to three years, the initial thrill dies down and is replaced by a more sombre assessment of the new situation where two individuals with differing likes and wants are supposed to co-exist under one roof. Without the excitement that is generated from discovery, the relationship suddenly loses a lot of its colour; it feels almost like the 3D movie that one has been watching has turned into a black-and-white film with mono-audio.

In this period, husband and wife begin to work through their differences and establish a new common ground. Each gives up part of his or her own personality in order to fit into a new shared lifestyle. A significant percentage of the married population fails to achieve this amalgamation and these couples go their separate ways during this time because of the reluctance and resistance to the personal sacrifices needed.

Should a marriage survive this stage, the couple gets a few more years of peace and harmony - also known as the quiet calm before a storm.

The human mind desires stability and constancy because of the security they bring. Adequate food, pleasing companionship, sex without much pursuit, etc. However, a few years of such monotonous serenity gives rise to the subconscious desire to seek newer (and perhaps more optimal) grounds, find new prey, source for fresh sources of excitement. This is wired into our brains because of the hidden pressure towards evolution.

Men and women begin to flirt with friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex, sizing them up for potential escapades and perhaps even as alternative/replacement spouses. They get embroiled in one-night stands and fleeting sexual encounters. They get drawn into surreptitious affairs. For some this lasts for another few years, for others this phase lasts longer. The exact duration depends on the constraints that are existent in the person's social and cultural environment.

Many marriages break up in this phase due to the tremendous stress generated by the revelation or of the affairs coming to light. Those marriages that survive this phase usually do so because the individuals do not get past the point of fantasy and play out their visualisations of escapades and affairs, or if they do and get caught, their spouses are willing to forgive them due to various reasons.

Ultimately, the insights into the behaviour of the parties in a marriage at various stages of the relationship allow us to understand more of the underlying physiological and mental forces at work.

Relativity

Mention the term Relativity and many would immediately think of the great thinker and scientist Albert Einstein. Ask anyone you know what the term Absoluteness means to him and you would probably draw a blank look. In the post-war years, familiarity with the term Relativity has become widespread, even among the non-academics. The connotations of the term are equally well-known. It brings to mind a blackboard filled with arcane mathematical scribblings and of the wild-haired mathematician scratching fervently at the board with a well-worn chalk bit.

To us, the common folk, Relativity is a concept for the academics, the elite. It involves a super-potent dose of mathematics and an excruciatingly pained and talented logical brain. Few venture into the realm of Relativity if they do not need to present a PhD thesis paper on it. Thus, it is the greatest irony that this supposedly academic concept is one that deals with our everyday living. Similarly, Absoluteness, its relatively (sic) unknown sibling, is quite a stranger to us. The reason why I am writing about these two is that I believe they play a very important role, a keystone in fact, in the movement towards an understanding of ourselves and our own existence.

From the time that we attain a basic awareness of ourselves – our bodies, emotions, thoughts, etc – and our surroundings (people included), we already possess a rudimentary understanding of Relativity. This extends into what psychologists term Empathy. Through Empathy, we are able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and imagine what it would be like to see through another person’s eyes and hear through his ears. This basic understanding enriches our awareness such that we are not confined to only our own minds and bodies. We are able to sense another entity relative to ourselves and vice-versa.

Unfortunately, this understanding is not well-developed for many of us. Like all other personal characteristics and traits, the grasp of Relativity remains status quo or even diminishes when we do not stretch it actively. Empathy is the most direct and somewhat visible extension of this understanding. In the course of one’s life, his Empathy rises and falls based on his personal experiences. A life that is reflective and contemplative allows the individual to focus on expanding his awareness outwards from his core. A self-centred life is filled with activities that pulls one inwards towards his core.

Since it is visible, Empathy is therefore one of the best gauges of one’s current grasp and understanding of Relativity. You may have encountered individuals who seem to be perpetually wrapped up in their own selfish little worlds. These people have little Empathy and have difficulty understanding the pain and feeling that others are experiencing. 

Highway of Life (Introduction)

Introduction

For many years, I struggled with my desire to write about life and the multitude of opinions and ideas that have accumulated in my mental closet over the years. That desire has waxed and waned with the passing of the seasons but never has it once taken leave of my mind fully. The cynic would call that a result of a burgeoning ego; the pragmatic would deem it a waste of precious time and energy. I have never really worried myself with the definition of the underlying reasons for this tendency. It has always been a subconscious pull, a dull hum that seems to easily fade into the background yet which never really goes away. 

If there is a need to give a name to this, I would term it my calling.

The world today is fraught with complications and complexities. It is progessively growing more violent, more aggressive. That technology has grown leaps and bounds has not helped in mitigating the turbulence that is plaguing our planet. Weapons are becoming more potent by the day. We now see technology manifesting itself as death and destruction, what with the brilliant minds of a large number of our elite scientists being channeled to the development of tools and mechanisms meant to kill, maim and restraint our fellow beings. 

By and large, the world has become desensitised to the devastation that we wreak upon our own kind. We have become unfeeling to the damage that we unleash on our home planet. In our self-centred pursuit for pleasure and physical satisfaction, we think little of excessive consumption of our natural resources of oil, trees, water and land. Generation after generation, children who grow up into the decision-makers of our civilisation are educated, both consciously and subconsciously, to emphasise more on sensual gratification. The extent at which communications is expanding via the Internet has accelerated the degradation of moral values as well as the lop-sided shift of the fundamental concept of good and evil, and of right and wrong.

It was not with a holier-than-thou mentality that I have written this blog. I am one of the new generation. I bear the same responsibility towards the world and the universe as all others of this time period. This set of writings is, if you may so call it, my contribution to my fellow beings. It is a consolidation of the perspectives that I have collected over the last thirty years, a compilation that has been filtered so that the ideas contained within are easily understood. This blog is not meant to be a monologue. You will have your own ideas and concepts; all I ask is that you maintain open-mindedness in order to have an unbiased and unprejudiced read of the writings. That, afterall, is the whole reason why you are reading this blog in any case.

In the last section of the writings, the ways in which I can be contacted with regards to this blog (and any other things in life) are detailed. I would love to hear and learn from your perspectives on the various issues that have been discussed in this blog.

With this, I wish you a good read.

The Philosophy of Driving (Part Two)

Driving is a very interesting activity. In part, it is because the behaviour of road users in a country is highly reflective of the culture, lifestyle, value system and mindset dominant there. By observing the conditions on the roads, you will be able to get a feel of how life in the country generally is. When I was in Italy, I had to exercise extra care when I crossed the roads. Traffic was so chaotic that as someone walking on the sidewalk, I was conscious of how vulnerable I was as a pedestrian. There was so much pent-up anger and loud explosive behaviour (indiscriminate blaring of the horns, lane-cutting, speeding) that I could almost see it hanging like a stifling fog in the air.

Another point about driving which makes it so interesting is that (as I mentioned in my earlier post) many aspects mirror our daily living. For example, in a traffic jam on the expressway, we can only move on helplessly inch by inch. The best we can do is to hope for the next exit to come up sooner so that we can take it out of the congestion. This is so similar to what many of us are feeling in life - about education, about work, about finances, etc. We feel so constrained, frustrated and helpless because there is no exit appearing on the horizon yet. We are moving but only inch by inch, day by day. As a result of this, the behaviour that we exhibit on the roads therefore is an extension of, albeit perhaps an exaggerated one, our behaviour off the roads.

Combining the above points, driving allows one to gain an insight into human psychology and also understand more about the limitations of our system and the effects of such restrictions. It allows us to see in full vibrant color the evil of Man, of how someone can deliberately knock down another in a fit of anger, as well as the innate compassion in us e.g. stopping just to help a fellow motorist change his tyres. It lets us see how the system is a vicious cycle of cause and effect, of action and reaction. The anger that we inflict on the motorist next to us gets transferred to the third person through him. It then moves on to the fourth and fifth, and so on and so forth. Like a ripple on the surface of a lake, anger gets transmitted from one driver to the next almost magically. When it reaches a critical mass in the system, we start to see crazy behaviour emerging on the roads - rash lane-cutting, cutting in front of another and then e-braking - and correspondingly, multi-car chain collisions which was quite a rarity many years ago.

Your example of the incident when you were a P-Plater highlights the illusion of Good and Bad, Right and Wrong. These are labels which we apply to things that happen to us, people whom we interact with, situations that arise in our daily living. How we apply them are based on our experiences, our upbringing, our thought processes. Each and every person has his or her own ideas of the above. That which is good to one may not be the same to another. Something that is wrong to you may be totally right to another person. Our definitions are forged and shaped largely by the society that we grew up and live in.

It is the clinging to the absolute Good and Bad, Right and Wrong that exists in our minds, coupled with the self-righteous obsession with our human rights, that many conflicts arise today. We fight for what we think is Good and Right, oblivious to the fact that others may have differing perspectives. We condemn that which is Bad and Wrong, unaware that there are those who hold the same thing in the highest esteem. This thinking, left unchecked in society, snowballs into intolerance and from that discrimination and disharmony arise.

I will stop here for now but if there is anyone who would like further sharing, please let me know and I will do so.

The Philosophy in Driving

The taxi-driver was probably sleepy or dazed from long hours of driving. There have been many occasions where I have encountered taxi-drivers cutting dangerously into other lanes, overtaking and then e-braking for a passenger pick-up, and even reversing at high speed on main roads. Whenever I see this happening, I am tempted to wind down my window and scold them for such foolish behaviour. During those times that I actually drove up to such errant drivers, I saw that they were old uncles with white or grey hair and had a dazed look on their faces which probably was a result of long hours of driving on the roads.

There was once I took a taxi after sending my car for servicing and happened to meet a taxi-driver from Batam. He came to Singapore once a week and would drive non-stop for five days before going back. I was surprised when he mentioned that and asked him if that meant he had minimal sleep during his stints in Singapore. He answered that he would drive for 18 hours straight each time and then grab a couple of hours' rest in a carpark in between. That was the way he maximised his earnings. I felt sad and angry at the same time - sad because of the tough life he had, angry because he was obviously putting other road-users in danger due to his actions. His driving was erratic and he had difficulty keeping his eyes open. I think he might have just fallen asleep at the wheel if I had not been keeping him awake with the conversation.

As I got off the taxi, I suggested to him that he try to get more rest and have shorter driving intervals. He gave me a weak "you don't know what I'm going through" smile and then drove off.

I have been guilty of having high expectations on the roads when I am driving. I have the tendency to think/feel that all drivers are supposed to be perfect beings - fully rested, alert with quick reactions and capable of responsible decisions on the move. Thus when others do not behave in the "correct" manner e.g. road-hogging or blatantly talking on the phone without any hands-free kit, I would get angry at them. Each time I get angry, I would think of the incident with that taxi-driver from Batam and then remember that not every driver has the luxury of being fully-rested and alert on the roads. The roads mirror our lives. There are many drivers who have little choice (from a certain perspective) when it comes to driving. Delivery men, taxi-drivers, despatch riders for example. Perhaps they would prefer another lifestyle, another job that does not require them to be on the roads 12 to 16 hours a day. Those long hours sap their energy and like any other human beings, they behave erratically when exhausted.

Buddha taught "我不入地獄, 誰入地獄". The rough english translation is "if I do not go to Hell, who should?". I first heard of this saying when I was in primary school and I took it at face value. I thought it was a peculiar saying - why should I go to Hell in other people's stead? As I grew older, my experiences allowed me to reflect further on this teaching and I came to the realisation that it was not the going to Hell that mattered. It was the attitude that one had in life which was key, and which was what this teaching is trying to focus on. Today, the world influenced by western thinking emphasises a lot on liberty and human rights. The right to speak, the right to act, etc. It is all about freedom that the individual should have. In a twisted manner, freedom has become synonymous with self-importance. "I" am the most important.

The problem with such thinking is that the world becomes a self-centred place. Everyone looks out only for himself. If you are infringing on my rights, you are committing a grave and heinous wrong. Buzz off. This kind of thinking is the anti-thesis of "我不入地獄, 誰入地獄" and I believe it is one of the main reasons for social breakdown and decadence. Again, using driving on the roads as a mirror of life - I have been driving for decades. In the early days, people were patient and gave way when you signaled to move into their lanes. Today, drivers speed up to close the gap when they see your lane-change indicator. How has this come about? When the self-centredness that is in human nature is not countered by the innate compassion that we have, it becomes the poison that spreads through the community. Without awareness, there is no living. Without awareness, the innate compassion cannot be awakened. We become selfish automatons that are concerned only about self and aspects which are closely associated with self.

As a society, the focus on meritocracy has led to the proliferation of self-centred mindsets. I am capable therefore I deserve the rewards. You are incompetent therefore you deserve to be in a state of poverty. While meritocracy has served the needs of society by motivating individuals to strive for progression, we have failed, as a society, to recognise that it is a double-edged sword like many other things. The positive aspects come with the negative as a package. In exalting the positive aspects, we turned a blind eye to the negatives which have been given free play to grow deep roots into our society. The self-centredness that comes forth from these negatives has become the root of many social problems that we are facing - the lack of graciousness, inconsiderate behaviour, hanging of bras in lifts, punching of bus drivers, playing loud music in the trains. These behaviour are symptomatic of a society that is like the spoilt child who we see in shopping centres screaming and wailing because he is not getting things done his way. He is given the latest technological gizmos but as morality and ethics have not been engrained in him through education, he selfishly uses technology for his own benefit only.

Meritocracy has to be tempered with compassion which can be awakened only with the right exposure to moral teachings and ethics. Without the tempering effects of compassion, the negatives of meritocracy will wreak havoc on society. Without compassion, our society will become one solely focused on economic numbers, getting into the best schools, becoming first in school, etc. Hard and unfeeling, cold and passionless.

The Sin of Pride

Among the mortal sins of human nature, Pride is the one that is closest to Ego. In fact, they are so close that at many times, it is difficult to distinguish between the two. Pride creates and prolongs one's attachment to self. Ego's "I think therefore I am" is a precursor to the feeling and thought "I am the most important thing in the universe". Pride extends that sensation by producing emotional euphoria when you do things to boost that view.

Status, power and control are three of the primary offshoots of Pride. A proud person demands status. Achieving and sustaining status satisfies the hunger that Pride invokes constantly in him. The feeling of power and control stokes the Pride in the individual and pushes it to even greater heights. Pride, as with all other mortal sins, traps the individual in a vicious cycle of hunger, satisfaction and expansion. Each act triggered by Pride results in more Pride being produced.

The key to overcoming Pride is to first recognise it. It may sound trivial but recognising it can be the most difficult part of conquering Pride. The reason for this difficulty is largely due to closeness that Pride has with our Ego and self. It is so close to us that we are often not able to see Pride separate from our self.

To recognise Pride and be able to differentiate between Pride and self, the individual needs to be aware of the thoughts and feelings within himself. Where is the root of that joyous feeling that I had a moment ago? What gave rise to that sensation of grief yesterday? What is the reason for me feeling happy today and angry tomorrow? For most individuals, emotions come and go as quickly as the morning breeze arrives and departs. Without awareness of how, when, what, where and why emotions develop and fade, it is not easy to recognise the source of these emotions and consequently the root of these emotions. The unaware individual does not learn much, if anything at all, from each rise and fall of emotion. Just as a stone produces a ripple on the surface of the lake into which it is cast, the effects fade quickly just as the ripples diminish.

Why do I feel good when someone praises me? What is it in me that produces the happy feeling that I get when my friend compliments me on my dressing today? How does failing an examination make me feel upset and inadequate?

As we delve deeper into the causes and effects of our emotions, we will realise that a lot of these are produced entirely within ourselves. Things that happen around us are only triggers. That which is in us triggers our reactions in mind, heart and body. The questions above lead us towards the realisation that Pride is an independent aspect of us which is responsible for a lot of the fluctuating emotions that we experience.

Pride can bring us to the top of the world in how we feel after certain success. It can also crush us and hurl us into a bed of iron nails when we fail. As we contemplate and reflect with the right attitudes and desire (to weed out Pride and vanquish it), we tighten the circle around the beast. With sufficient cultivation, we will be able to define clearly for ourselves what Pride is in our hearts and minds.

Each individual's Pride is different. It may be a huge armoured monster for one while for another it is a slimy serpent. We need to recognise its shape and size so that we are aware of how it moves within us and as a result be able to know the harmful influences it has on our thoughts, feelings and actions.

It is only after we have fully and clearly recognised Pride that we can effectively counter it. By knowing what it looks like and how it shifts itself within us, we can act against that which it produces. For example, if Pride makes us feel all-important when we receive praise, we work against Pride by focusing on Humility (the anti-thesis of Pride). We tell ourselves that the success for which the praise was given is a result of everyone working together and not just

through our own efforts.

If we fail and feel miserable, we remind ourselves that we have tried our best and that the only thing that has been hurt is our Pride (which we are trying to overcome in any case!). When we first start to act against Pride, we may not have instant success given the closeness it has with our self. However, persistence will allow us to gradually increase the number of mini-triumphs that we have against the beast. Eventually, the cultivated individual will be able to rein in Pride so tightly that the damage it can do via his thoughts, feelings and actions is highly limited.